What is actually driving you to do things?

I tend to have a lot of lofty, big aspiring goals. Goals that are a little too ambitious and hard to take action upon. Yet interestingly, the more crazy they sound to others, they more pushback they have, the more stubborn and deadlocked I become with the ideas. It is certainly counterintuitive (and a bad idea) to shut off the logical side of my brain and reject any sort of common sense. As an example, I desperatedly and strongly believed studying abroad in Japan for a whole year would be an invaluable experience. I was blinded by this vision that I ignored the financial struggles I would have to make ends meet. I would be living a brutally frugal lifestyle without much space to travel and explore. I would drain away all of my savings and missed out on opportunities back at home. Plus, I didn’t really consider if I would actually enjoy living in Japan for a whole year.

Falling in love with an idea is blinding. Now, I have gotten better at recognizing these moments of stubbornness in me but I still struggle.

What started to help me shift away from this way of thinking is asking myself: what is driving me to be like this?? What beliefs or identities do I have that is being challenged? Can I be okay with another plan?

I was driven by the wish to be independent and be free deep down. I was in loved with the future version of myself, confident and joyful, living in a foreign country, exploring, and having an interesting life. I had a belief that Japan would ‘save’ and magically transform me.

It really revealed a deeper issue with myself. At that time, a year ago, I could not take no for an answer. I felt lack of confidence in myself and my social life. What I really needed was working on myself, working on my social life, working on learning a “no” is not an attack on my identity/character.

I think I did well since then and it is something I will continue keep in mind.

What about you? What are your goals? What is driving you? What beliefs/identities are tied to your goals?